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Drug Test Bribes

Pee in a cup for officials at Matthews High School in Virginia and receive a free parking pass worth $25 and free admission to all school events. The compelling offer to students is known as voluntary drug testing, according to the “Daily Press.” Students who allow administrators to violate their privacy in this manner may also be allowed to miss four days of school instead of three and still be able to take final exams.

To further entice students to forget what they learned in civics class about the significance of the U. S. Constitution, free tickets to local attractions such as Busch Gardens are being considered. You know, Busch, as in Anheuser-Busch, Inc., makers of Budweiser Beer, that Superbowl drug that wasn’t responsible for the attacks on the Pentagon and the World Trade Center.

The Matthews High School Voluntary Drug Screening Program was the brain flatulence of administrators, parents and students after a few athletes on the football team were caught smoking marijuana. So, students can give up their constitutional right to privacy to go to Busch Gardens where maybe they’ll learn to become alcoholics. Those who say no to drug test bribery will be illegally punished by the school administration and be made to pay for the principles of privacy and consent at the door.

Posted by A. Shapiro
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